Having herself come out just to be informed bisexuals are simply greedy lovers, Alyss Abyss wonders how - if the above is true - there can be seemingly so little love in reserved in either hetro or queer quarters for those who want it both ways.
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For a long time, I’ve known that I’m attracted to both men and women. I’m currently at a point where it’s mainly just women that I’m attracted to but, deep down, I know I’m bisexual. Yet, look at my various online profiles and I will identify myself as queer or gay or lesbian or dyke or anything that will avoid the B word. That’s because I’ve managed to internalise a phobia for it, based on other people’s reactions to that word. I was a member of my university LGBT society but was too scared to tell them about my boyfriend, in case they decided I wasn’t one of them. I avoided hanging out in lesbian bars because I was scared they’d treat me like an outcast because I happen to like boys too. I’ve been called greedy, been told that I’ll make my mind up one day, that I’m sitting on the fence, have had people imply that I was only with women to titillate the men around me and, in general, look down on my sexuality. Various straight people said it was just a phase and I was saying it because I wanted to be cool. ‘How do you know?’ was what I was asked when I came out at school. Is fancying women not enough? Even now, I’m scared to out myself to various people. I’m a new member of my local LGBT choir and they know about my girlfriend but I’m scared to mention the man in my life, for fear of not fitting in.
For a minority group, you’d think we’d stick together but there are definitely people out there who seem to think the B doesn’t belong. If I’m with a man, I’m obviously straight and have no right to include myself in the LGBT community and if I’m with a woman, I must have made up my mind and be a lesbian. What if I was with no one? Would that make me asexual? And just because I’m polyamorous and happen to have a male and female partner, is that the only way I can use the word bisexual? Should I feel so scared of alienation that I can’t even bring myself to identify with a certain label? Of course I shouldn’t but, unfortunately, there is a lot of prejudice against bisexual people and very few people willing to fit in that corner (and I really respect those who do). I have moved on with my sexual identity but it would have been a lot easier if I’d not been scared into avoiding the B word.
Further Reading:
www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Bisexuality
www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Poly/Labriola/bisexual.html
Illustration by Chris Getliffe
